Tuesday, April 05, 2005

My last day of this:

back moles
My two weeks of Band-Aid yoga come to an end this afternoon. And not a moment too soon.

Two weeks ago today I underwent my triple biopsy to remove two back moles and one thigh mole as a precautionary check against melanoma. I immediately put out a call for a temporary boyfriend (with an option for indefinite contract renewals) to assist in my morning Band-Aid applications (which under my own power have enjoyed as much accuracy as a Tom DeLay voting district) to protect the stitches. And while there may be a promising boyfriend candidate on the DISTANT horizon (which is all you'll hear on that topic until we have something a helluva lot more definite than two very nice dates and a handful of flirty text messages and phone calls under our belts), he was never around in the mornings, so he never got a chance to demonstrate his Band-Aid-sticking prowess. Which is disappointing on many fronts.

Anyway, the stitches come out today at 4:15. And so does the diagnosis, which I'm expecting to be nothing since I was told if there's bad news they give it to you within the first week after the biopsy.

(And while I was strictly forbidden from exercising while the stitches healed, I accidentally went to a few very strenuous swing dance rehearsals last week. And I've accidentally worked out with it's-almost-swimsuit-season intensity every day since Monday. And I accidentally went running on Sunday, but it was cold so I didn't get very far. And my wounds bled only a couple times. But don't tell.)

So, 14 days, 50+ Band-Aids, 50+ dabs of polysporin, one shaved thigh, a couple choice swear words, and 9 tries to get a self-timer picture that showed both back wounds without showing my stray back hairs and back pimples too clearly later, I'm ready for this little adventure to be over.

I'm ready to live life again in my own skin. Now with 1% fewer moles!


Jeff said...

I'm sure you would have received more applications for temporary boyfriend if you'd posted that picture sooner (because I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a fixation on the hotness of backs).

Spider said...

Man oh man Jeff,I agree. To me, there is nothing hotter than the small of a man's back... especially when he is in a pair of loose fitting jeans and no shirt... be still my heart!

tim said...

Look at those perfectly manicured nails. You may be gayer than me.

Jake said...

My manicuring regimen consists of:

Clipping them when they start to get long.

Sorry to disappoint, but I just don't see any value in paying someone else to clip my nails. And I refuse to have them all buffy and shiny. I'm just not that gay.

windreader said...

queing up here too! nice back. of course, having seen the front I can say that it is worth a long look as well....

Kevdogg said...

I feel your moley pain. I'm the freak of my family and have an inexplicably large number of the critters. I've had 3 removed, but in nice, easy to reach places. (except the once close to my scrotum was a bit scary to watch come off). And, yes, it IS almost swimsuit season. I expect a new patch of pictures when you get into it.

p.s. After you mentioned you had a zit, I know I'm not the only one who scrolled back up looking for it. Left shoulder blade?