Guy #1: You’re hot.
(Guy #1 if he’s a moron: Your hot.)
Guy #2: Thanks. You too.
(Guy #2 if he’s a lazy fuck: Tks – U2)
Guy #1: We should hook up sometime.
Guy #2: Yeah. That would be hot.
Guy #1: Yeah.
*Do not deviate from this script—unless it’s to ask for more pictures, which you are obligated to deem “hot” in the event some are emailed to you. Do not read any profiles; instead, simply ask “into?” and force the other parties to restate the sexual preferences they’ve already clearly spelled out in their profiles. Do not let this conversation develop any faster than one post every five minutes. Do not attempt this conversation with anyone who lives closer than 500 miles from you. In the event one party attempts to take this conversation any farther, do not respond for three hours, then send an apologetic email (optional) explaining that your phone rang and/or your computer crashed and/or your parents caught on fire. Do not acknowledge each other the next time you’re both online, unless it’s to repeat this conversation and ask for more pictures. Do not hook up.