Wednesday, November 01, 2017

FIND. HIM. FOR. ME. After my chin heals, of course.

When you’re late for work because you had to wait in the hallway for a bathroom with a shower at the gym — which is literally the first time that’s happened in the three years you’ve belonged there — and when a room finally opens up, out walks the impossibly handsome, impossibly-maybe-he'd-insist-on-being-boyfriends-if-he-knew-how-well-I-could-tap, impossibly-OH-MY-GOD mystery stranger who’d kept totally to himself all during his workout and since your gym is unfailingly Totally Mega HeterosexualTM you don’t make eye contact because you don’t want to seem clueless and creepy but he stares right at you with a huge smile and asks you how you’re doing and you squeakily say fine and ask him how he’s doing and his smile gets even bigger and he says — and you quote, even though you don’t know why you’re still clumsily talking in the second person at this point — “I’m having a great morning NOW ...” and then he disappears as magically as he’d appeared and you go to take your shower and because you’re totally distracted from scheduling your wedding cake tasting in your head you slice nine pounds of flesh off your chin while you’re shaving and then you post a picture of your massive chin scab and the inside of your nose on your blog but you don’t care because WHAT THE HELL DID HE MEAN BY THAT?

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