So apparently there are two wide-open secrets out there that until now the world has conspired to keep from me. But! I have just found out what these secrets are! So you people and your mean-spirited conspiracies can suck it.
I was recently on a business trip with a colleague, and we were hanging out in an airport restaurant while we waited for our flight. He had a client document he wanted me to read on his laptop (and by "client document" I mean "long, inappropriate joke someone had emailed him"), and since the document was longer than his screen, I started painstakingly dragging the cursor along the little slider bar on the right of the screen to scroll down. And that's when my colleague spilled the beans. Apparently if you drag one finger up and down the scroll pad on your laptop you move your cursor, but if you drag two fingers up and down the scroll pad you scroll up and down the entire page you're on. When the hell were you people going to tell me this?
My sister had left me a voice mail on my cell phone. I told the domestic partner I was going to call her back, and I started dialing her number. And that's when the domestic partner spilled the beans. Apparently if you press the "send" button on your cell phone, you'll get a complete menu of your most recent calls. You can scroll through the list, press "send" again ... and you're suddenly returning calls by pressing only two buttons. You people are jerks for keeping this from me.