Sunday, January 15, 2006

Things to do on a Sunday morning in January:

• Make your favorite bran muffins.
• Realize they taste like burned flesh.
• Discover the remains of a food spill—or possibly a hiding animal—at the bottom of your oven.
• Activate your oven's self-cleaning feature for the first time ever.
• Open all your windows and doors as your condo fills with smoke.
• Decide that, while you're running up your electric bill anyway, you might as well make homemade soup in your crock pot.
• Brown the stew meat you bought last night in the awesome new cookware you got for Christmas.
• Discover that, while you were shopping for ingredients, you were too stupid to notice the difference between beef bouillon and chicken bouillon.
• Make beef and vegetable soup with chicken bouillon anyway. As your punishment.
• Sort through the week's mail and discover that you somehow forgot to make your mortgage payment last month.
• Call your mortgage lender to see what you need to do to make amends.
• Punch enough phone buttons to start a nuclear war and finally reach a recorded voice that tells you you'll have to wait until after the three-day weekend to resolve the problem.
• Crawl back into bed. And hope the smoke doesn't asphyxiate you.

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