What does it say about a man ...

when a woman he works with—a sweet, demure, heretofore completely professional colleague—goes to visit her family in Taiwan over the American holiday break and—though she and he have never exchanged gifts in the past—returns with a souvenir for him … and it looks like this:


I think it says she knows me better than she lets on.

Let me count the reasons I love this gift:
1. It's a toilet-paper dispenser!
2. Or maybe it's just a toilet-paper cozy.
3. When it's not dispensing toilet paper, it looks like a huggable, plush sex doll.
4. And if you take the toilet paper out of the hole in its butt, it makes a very disturbing puppet.
5. It's 100% American kitch, but it's made in China and sold in Taiwan.
6. It has blush and eyelashes. Which means it's classy.
7. It's well-made. And I'm a man who appreciates quality.
8. You could use it as a mitten. Or a hot pad. Or—in a pinch—maybe even a boxing glove.
9. When you peek in its bra (and you know you want to), you discover a perky little set of Muppet-like hooters.
10. I just said hooters!