Things I’ve had in my mouth today:

Orange juice.
A vitamin.
A banana.
A clementine.
A toothbrush.
Yogurt.
Water.
The word “anathema.”
Effervescent creatine.
A peanut-butter sandwich.
Skim milk.
Another peanut-butter sandwich.
A toothbrush again.
A hygienist.
A dentist.
Tom Welling.
A camera.
A camera and a mirror.
A numbing gel.
Three shots of Novocain.
A rubber dam.
An O-shaped ring.
A bright light.
A suction thing.
A drill.
An audible whimper.
More Novocain.
More of the drill.
Even more of the drill.
Smoking, grainy bits of my own teeth.
My own dry, dough-like tongue.
Tooth-colored composite.
A bonding agent.
An agent named Bond.
Custom-fitted porcelain inlays.
Custom-fitted porcelain overlays.
A clamp.
Another clamp.
A white plastic implement.
A heat lamp.
A heat lamp guard.
A Buick.
An upholstered ottoman.
Another mirror/camera combo.
A lingering numbness.
Slurred speech.
A very sore jaw.
Homemade soup.
A happy “Mmmmm!” sound.
Tom Welling.