Friday, February 11, 2005

Take! These broken wings!

So the Night of the Shirtless Cupids was less terrifying more fun than I’d expected. The crowd was lively, the venue was way-ass funky and fun, and nobody threw a drink in my face and shouted My eyes! My eyes! at the sight of me with my shirt off.

There were five cupids in all, and when we arrived at the bar we all shamefully confessed to joked about cramming in upper-body workouts all week and not eating anything all day to get ready for the event.

Three of the cupids in particular I’ve always thought of as pretty friggin’ built, and they were freaking out more than I was at the prospect of being designated beefcake in a room filled with rabid poodles fully clothed gay men. They were freaked out enough that they (well, we) did pushups and chair dips before they (well, we) donned our wings and headed out into the poodle palace patron-filled bar. HEY! Body-image issues are MY department, you sexy fuckers! Get up off the floor and find your own neuroses!

There will be tons of pictures on the BGCC Web site by sometime next week, but here’s one sneak peek graciously supplied by Rick:

Notice the wicked-cool tiles on the wall—the whole venue was like that. Notice the sheen of desperation baby oil on our bodies. (That was my gay-ass idea.) Notice the Dubya-at-a-press-conference look on my face. I think it’s the result of oxygen deprivation from holding in my gut for three hours straight.

And notice those huge freakin’ wings. They were responsible for many a spilled drink, toppled plant and poked-in-the-eye patron last night.

Speaking of poking the patrons, four of the five cupids reported being invited into one-on-one and/or group-sex situations last night. Not one of those four cupids was named Jake. Harumph.

But the night wasn’t all shunnery and spinsterhood for me. I did manage to make a connection and exchange phone numbers with someone there. And it was a GIRL! That’s right—if I can’t find a way to pick up easy, horny, sloppy-drunk men at an event called the Big Gay Cocktail Club, I can at least pick up women. So the old boy’s still got it, thankyouverymuch. Seriously, the woman I met last night was smart, funny, great to talk to and employed in an interesting new field with close ties to mine. We’re planning to have dinner soon. And I promise to be a perfect gentleman. Unless she brings a cute guy along.

Speaking of holding in my gut for three hours straight (sorry for this awkward transition—scroll up four paragraphs for the antecedent), I woke up this morning feeling as though I’d been repeatedly punched in the stomach by four muscular bodybuilders in oily thongs. It seems that the desperate fear of rabid poodle attacks that forced me to pinch my belly button and my spine together for three hours actually made for a pretty awesome isometric workout.

And if I have to wake up with a burning sensation after a night at a gay drinking event, I guess that’s the best kind of burn to have.

13 comments:

obliquity said...

Heaven MUST be missing an angel...

Mark said...

You look perfectly lovely!

Scott-O-Rama said...

Hmmm... those eyes make you look a little, okay a lot, deranged. Were you getting ready to kill one of the patrons?

RcktMan Rick said...

Jake I keep telling you... your eyes are open wide enough. Just smile. :)

Glad you used that pic... although the one of you and Chris is cute too.

And dammit... enough with the body issues. Those of us who wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of fuzzy feathery wings and no shirt thought you looked just fine.

SparklesMpls said...

Jake, you look great!

Jeff said...

Lookin' good babe...and I love the deer in the headlights look.

BTW, methinks you're a bit too modest. I'll bet there were more than a few cute guys there who were way too shy to talk to such a hunky cupid...

Todd said...

Wow! Looking great, Jake. But enough with the poodle comments. Take a look at this. He's just a hunk-hunka furry love! No need to be hatin'!

Christopher said...

Black angel wings! Inspired! I have seen mucho white angel wings, but never black. Reminds me of Emma Thompson as the fabulous black angel in Angels in America. Sort of.

Brechi said...

shirtless cupids. and the handsomest one in the middle.

Derek said...

Nice!

One thing though . . . With how wide open your eyes are it looks you're thinking "I will NOT blink when the flash goes off!" :-)

windreader said...

actually, doing the tummy suck for extended periods of time is one of the best ways to get the abs tight.

J. said...

Here's another fun photo that by the request of the BGCC organizations the general public will never see...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v201/jasonpfreeman/DSC00426.jpg

At least in its undoctored format.

*Insert evil grin*

Sven said...

i thought you looked great. i heard that many a men wanted to flap your wings.