Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The stress test: Part one

The large telephone number at the top of your doctor's referral sheet—the one that you called and got a recorded message telling you that all testing is done on a first-come, first-served basis—is, in fact, NOT the number you should have called to schedule your stress test. Yes, you have to SCHEDULE your stress test, you weak-hearted victim of our patient mismanagement. And you can't come in for another week. And you missed a whole morning of work for nothing. Got your heart rate up? Good.

But there's more. We at the Stress Center (motto: We stress more than customer service) have created an exclusive partnership with Now for every miscommunication you get about scheduling your exercise echocardiogram, will throw in a complimentary new feature that will work on every blog but yours. This week's special: the exciting new pop-up comments option, which will send your readers to the Land of Broken URLs whenever they try to make a comment on any of your posts. And it's absolutely FREE!

We see that you also qualify for our Friends & Family Illness Plan: For every three heart conditions we find in your network, we'll give your dad a debilitating case of pneumonia. He'll also get some corollary illness that will force him to quit his 45-year smoking addiction cold-turkey. We're sorry to report that this last feature will quite possibly help him live a longer, healthier life with more time to enjoy his family—especially his grandchildren. We at the Stress Center regret this error.

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