I thought the six previous posts would make for a fun little walk of shame through some moments from my youth that continue to haunt me for reasons both amusing and horrifying. But they seem to have been met with a roaring yawn by my readers—at least as far as the volume of comments suggests.
I am relieved, though, that my deepest, darkest source of embarrassment—the events in my Afro-American Literature class—generated little more than a “so what” from people. The realization has kept me perpetually upset with myself for 15 years, so it was nice to discover that perhaps I have been overanalyzing and overreacting all this time. (Me? Overreact? Alert the media!) In any case, it felt great to get this secret off my chest—and to learn that it was not the unspeakable shame I’ve been treating it as. Thanks for helping me discover that.
And I apologize for the weird construction in the last six posts. It thought writing them in the present tense would give the buildup more immediacy and the final embarrassing event more impact. But the stories kept needing backstories to establish the right context, and the whole experiment ended up being a mess of verb tenses. Sorry about that. I hope nobody got hurt.
IN OTHER NEWS, I had my exercise echocardiogram on Monday. And it was just like a picnic in the park—assuming the picnic is at the top of Mount Everest and you have exactly 21 minutes to get there. Best of all, once they get your heart levels up to the point where you taste blood in your throat and you are gasping for your very survival, they won’t let you breathe because they need your lungs to be as collapsed as possible so they can get a clear ultrasound image of your heart.
The cool part is that you get to see the images of your heart beating, and it’s both fascinating and profoundly moving. Seriously.
The coolest part, though, is when they tell you that there’s nothing wrong with your heart, and that the abnormality in your EKG—while not ideal—is well within the range of acceptable abnormalities, so don’t worry another moment about it and go forth and enjoy a full, healthy life.
At least that’s what they told me. :-)