So I subscribe to this email list thing that a friend runs. Each Monday he proposes a topic to a bunch of his friends. We all submit our funniest ideas for that topic by Wednesday. We vote on the submissions on Thursday. And on Friday (or in this case, late Thursday night) we see who wins. Like clockwork.
The topics range from the naughty to the political. (And I can't think of a single example of either to share with you at the moment. Sorry.) I don't know this guy's friends, but the vast majority of the submissions (and, not surprisingly, the weekly winners) are usually pretty lame. Painfully lame. My clever, thoughtfully phrased submissions never make it to the top 10, but the stupidest, most predictable ones often win. There's no justice.
But this week, the tables are turned. I submitted the dumbest entries I could think of. And I got three of the top nine! No wonder Bush is in office.
So here, for your reading pleasure, is this week's topic with the winning entries. I have modestly included a tiny symbol next to my submissions so you can see which ones I wrote.
* Lesbian Pick-Up Lines We Never Want To Hear *
1st: Has anyone ever told you how much you look like Ernest Borgnine?
2nd: Can I borrow your lipstick?
3rd: C'mon ladies -- three holes, no waiting!
4th: Lesbe friends. I'll give you a moment to mullet over. [MINE! I WROTE THIS ONE!]
5th: Do you have any D batteries I can borrow?
6th: Don't you sing baritone in the Fish 'n' Flannel Chorus? [I ALSO WROTE THIS ONE! ISN'T IT STUPID?]
7th: Your gash or mine?
8th: And you cleared that whole stand of trees in HOW many minutes? Grrrrrrr!!
9th: Is that a doughnut in your pants or are you just glad -- hey, it IS a doughnut! Can I have a bite? [MINE! MINE! MINE! AND ACTUALLY, I THINK THIS ONE IS PRETTY FUNNY!]