Thursday, July 15, 2004

There's no accounting for taste.
Or maturity.

So I subscribe to this email list thing that a friend runs. Each Monday he proposes a topic to a bunch of his friends. We all submit our funniest ideas for that topic by Wednesday. We vote on the submissions on Thursday. And on Friday (or in this case, late Thursday night) we see who wins. Like clockwork.

The topics range from the naughty to the political. (And I can't think of a single example of either to share with you at the moment. Sorry.) I don't know this guy's friends, but the vast majority of the submissions (and, not surprisingly, the weekly winners) are usually pretty lame. Painfully lame. My clever, thoughtfully phrased submissions never make it to the top 10, but the stupidest, most predictable ones often win. There's no justice.

But this week, the tables are turned. I submitted the dumbest entries I could think of. And I got three of the top nine! No wonder Bush is in office.

So here, for your reading pleasure, is this week's topic with the winning entries. I have modestly included a tiny symbol next to my submissions so you can see which ones I wrote.

* Lesbian Pick-Up Lines We Never Want To Hear *

1st: Has anyone ever told you how much you look like Ernest Borgnine?

2nd: Can I borrow your lipstick?

3rd: C'mon ladies -- three holes, no waiting!

4th: Lesbe friends. I'll give you a moment to mullet over. [MINE! I WROTE THIS ONE!]

5th: Do you have any D batteries I can borrow?

6th: Don't you sing baritone in the Fish 'n' Flannel Chorus? [I ALSO WROTE THIS ONE! ISN'T IT STUPID?]

7th: Your gash or mine?

8th: And you cleared that whole stand of trees in HOW many minutes? Grrrrrrr!!

9th: Is that a doughnut in your pants or are you just glad -- hey, it IS a doughnut! Can I have a bite? [MINE! MINE! MINE! AND ACTUALLY, I THINK THIS ONE IS PRETTY FUNNY!]


Joe said...

My favorite lesbian joke:

Two bulldykes spot each other from across the street as the Gay Pride parade is going by. They smile and nod at each other but their cruising is hampered by the passing floats, drag queens, naked muscleboys...and they are getting frustrated. FINALLY the parade ends and they can approach each other. Bulldyke #1 walks over and dramatically spits on the sidewalk.

'What's YOUR name?'

Bulldyke #2 scratches her heavily tattooed and muscular arm, and runs her hand over her crewcut.

'My name's Mary', she grunts.

Bulldyke #1 looks disgusted.

'MARY?? That's a BOY'S name!'
joe (ducking)

OnlyInTheSouthEnd said...

Now tell us what you really would have submitted!

Sven said...

yes. charm us with your wit.

Anonymous said...

Um.... what was number 10?

Jake said...

There was no number 10 this week. I think he just posts the clear winners and lets the distant finishers drop off into gray mediocrity.

Flip X said...

Stupid but funny. :oD

Oh crap, now I'm gonna go to Lesbian Hell...