E-I-E-I-O

I’m washing and drying our poultry-themed knickknacks and the top drying towel in our kitchen drawer had a bovine motif and there’s an eagle on that antique green bottle and long story short don’t come over because it’s an absolute zoo here.

Also: There are few things in life more satisfying than rinsing the dust off of plastic flowers with a squirt of soap and the spray nozzle on the sink faucet.

Last night the weather thingie on my phone promised me it would be a cool, comfortable 63° right now

But right now my phone tells me it’s actually a global-warmingy 66°.

I suppose next you’re going to tell me the Arbor Day Cow who frolicks through the cobbled suburban streets munching on squirrels and bringing all the attractive children immunity from smallpox isn’t real.

MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.

Not all heroes wear capes

Things you might see in a Nordic pride parade

Moo!

Mom just re-read the box for the scalloped potatoes that are currently baking in the oven and noticed that she’d slightly misread the directions to add one tablespoon of butter to the sauce and she instead added one stick of butter to the sauce. Which is understandable; both options have the words “of butter” in them. In the meantime, my casual pre-dinner Chips Ahoy! nosh has escalated into a feral Chips Ahoy! genocide. But there’s still most of a row of Chips Ahoy! left and there’s still a 20-minute wait for the scalloped potatoes to stop mooing (oops ... BAKING) if anyone wants to come over and join us in our mass heart attack.

On a side note: Check out our new sleek, chic, simple, versatile, non-Revolutionary-War-era dishes!

There are premature goodbyes in the sky

I guess this is goodbye, old pal.
You've been a perfect friend.
I hate to see us part, old pal.
Some day I'll buy you back.
I'll see you soon again.
I hope that when I do,
It won't be on a plate.