Dear Universe,

I know I whine relentlessly about how big my approaching-50-years-old tummy is getting, but I just took my mom to the doctor and then stopped at the grocery store on the way home because she wanted popsicles and raspberry sherbet and I accidentally walked through the bakery aisle on the way to the popsicle-and-raspberry-sherbet department and they had fresh cream-cheese brownies and I’m helpless around fresh cream-cheese brownies so what can you do but anyway I’ve earned a tiny little cheat snack so please don’t judge me for what I’m about to eat as my late lunch.

(P.S. I also wiped off the kitchen counter real nice for this photo.)