Now that I'm more-or-less recovered from the marathon, my trainer has moved me into phase two of our workouts: massive weights and no mercy. Because my ultimate vain-n-vapid goal is to get as huge as possible. But I've at least been rational enough about it to hold off until now so I didn't have to lug extra bodyweight through 26.2 miles.
So today he started me on a hardcore leg workout. Which kind of scares me because he described today's workout as "light" and "introductory" even though it left me with legs of pudding. (I just love the word pudding. It's funny to say and funnier to see in type. Like hooker, but with more calcium. So it's also good for you.) In any case, my trainer promised that as my legs get bigger and stronger, so will the rest of me. So bring it on, I say. Pudding! (See? Funny!)
After five sets of "warm-up" squats this morning, he had me do walking lunges, the one leg workout that looks so silly I've always tried to avoid it. Walking lunges involve holding dumbbells in your hands as you step, squat, stand, step, squat, stand your way across the room, getting shakier and more unsteady as you go. Add some Trumpet Voluntary and some baby's breath in your hair and your suddenly the world's least-efficient bridesmaid.
But trade the girl and the bad dress for a muscleboy and a Speedo and I think I just made another decision about what I want in our wedding. Slow-moving muscleboys in Speedos are the perfect nuptial complement to show tunes and exceptionally delicious cake. And, of course, pudding.