Imagine my surprise, then, when I’m on the Internets today
My. Foot. Started. An. International. Artistic. Movement.
I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL JAKE!
Imagine. A meme. Me! (That’s almost a palindrome, except it’s not.)
Unfortunately, a bunch of you
But the joke’s on you! The following pictures from previous posts offer all the proof you need that you’re all WRONG about the deliciousness of my dogs.
Toe hair does not a troll foot make! Here’s the image that inspired you-all to put your foot in your mouth. (HA! FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH!) Notice the meaty manliness of the toes and the way they all point in the same general direction and the way that—even when covered in scabs—the whole foot awakens long-dormant fetishes deep within your loins.
Here’s the delicate instep of that same foot mere moments after running 26.2 miles. Notice how it naturally retained its graceful arch and overall
And here it that foot’s twin, with skin as smooth and voluptuous as Ann Coulter’s freshly shaved scrotum and the markings of a potential marathon tattoo that ended up on some other private part of my body.
This is not a picture of my foot, but I found it when I was digging around to see if I had any more foot pix to post here, and I think it makes my abs look kind of flat. Plus, you can totally see my underpants.
This is also not a picture of my foot that I also dug up in my search, but I must say this is one
Now that the other shoe has dropped (HA! THE OTHER SHOE HAS DROPPED!), don’t you-all feel bad for kicking my dogs? Don’t you feel bad for dissing the foot that kick-started (HA! KICK-STARTED!) an international meme?
And aren’t you a little ashamed knowing how maturely I would have handled the situation if the shoe were on the other foot?
(HA! OTHER FOOT!)