Drunk … with … POWER …

So last week I injured my foot. And as I was getting dressed on Tuesday and slipping into the only pair of flip-flops I own that didn’t irritate all that remained of the bloody stump at the end of my leg, I noticed that my digital camera was still sitting out from the last time I used it in April. So I took a picture of my owie and posted it here because it was easier than posting something of substance that day.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I’m on the Internets today working selflessly to keep my company solvent and I discover that my pedal carnage has inspired a meme that has taken the entire world by storm given a bunch of other bloggers with left feet something to plagiarize emulate in their posts today along with every conceivable headline variation of “something’s afoot.”

My. Foot. Started. An. International. Artistic. Movement.
I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL JAKE!

Imagine. A meme. Me! (That’s almost a palindrome, except it’s not.)

Unfortunately, a bunch of you bitches have declared war on my foot, comparing it to that of a “troll” and calling the poor thing “ugly.” (I expect you bitches are all willing to foot the bill (HA! FOOT THE BILL!) from my self-esteem coach.)

But the joke’s on you! The following pictures from previous posts offer all the proof you need that you’re all WRONG about the deliciousness of my dogs.

Toe hair does not a troll foot make! Here’s the image that inspired you-all to put your foot in your mouth. (HA! FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH!) Notice the meaty manliness of the toes and the way they all point in the same general direction and the way that—even when covered in scabs—the whole foot awakens long-dormant fetishes deep within your loins.


Here’s the delicate instep of that same foot mere moments after running 26.2 miles. Notice how it naturally retained its graceful arch and overall aromatic aesthetic pleasantness despite the wife beating it had just taken. Mmmm!


And here it that foot’s twin, with skin as smooth and voluptuous as Ann Coulter’s freshly shaved scrotum and the markings of a potential marathon tattoo that ended up on some other private part of my body.


This is not a picture of my foot, but I found it when I was digging around to see if I had any more foot pix to post here, and I think it makes my abs look kind of flat. Plus, you can totally see my underpants.


This is also not a picture of my foot that I also dug up in my search, but I must say this is one sturdy handsome desperate healthy woman. Check out those gams! (Photo courtesy of Rick, who obviously spends waaaaay too much time hanging around drag queens, religious extremists and other perverts.)


Now that the other shoe has dropped (HA! THE OTHER SHOE HAS DROPPED!), don’t you-all feel bad for kicking my dogs? Don’t you feel bad for dissing the foot that kick-started (HA! KICK-STARTED!) an international meme?

And aren’t you a little ashamed knowing how maturely I would have handled the situation if the shoe were on the other foot?

(HA! OTHER FOOT!)