Has it really been two years since our modern-day Kennedys and beacons of sacred morality held audience with the pope?

Sigh. It seems like this was only 100 mortal embarrassments ago ...

I replaced this rheostat two months ago and just now noticed that it’s backlit when the light is off

And we all know that indirect lighting is the cornerstone of an evolved society.

I hate to brag, but I now have a snore score and you don’t

I’m kinda disappointed that nothing I did last night qualified as epic, but in my defense it was my first time. Plus it was a weeknight and I need to be responsible.

Also: You know how once you’re older than 30 you can’t wait to get to sleep every night? Well, add your first SnoreLab recording session to the equation and that excitement TRIPLES. Last night was the most awesome night I’ve had getting into bed in years. We pentagenarians still know how to party hardly (oops—HEARTY) once the lights go off.

I would have called this download Sleep APPnea

but nobody asked for MY freely offered marketing expertise. Rude.

Anyway.

In the absence of a patient but long-suffering boyfriend to keep awake with my woodchopper snoring, I’m forced to sleep—IN SIN!—with this not-creepy app running in the background to record and chart my snoring so my doctor can monitor the efficacy of my super-expensive anti-APPnea (SEE HOW CLEVER THAT IS?) custom dental appliance.

So I’ll be sleeping with a mouthful of jaw-realigning plastic while my phone secretly records every noise in my bedroom. WHICH ARE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ALL LEADING WHAT-ARE-YOU-LOOKING-FOR-IN-A-PARTNER CRITERIA ON EVERY DATING SITE ON THIS AND ALL OTHER LONELYHEARTS-COLONIZED PLANETS EVER.

Indignities. They never end.

When it’s 5:00 on a Friday and you’re the last one in the office and THE! MANNEQUINS! ARE! CALLING!

#WeirdButBelovedThingsIFoundInMyStorageLockerYesterday

First day at the new office!

With the photography studio! And the mannequin graveyard! Which I prefer to call the mannequin forest! Because it’s less deathy! And more poety! Because I’m a writer! And a spin artist! Who talks in phrases! And wastes exclamation points! Yay!

(Oh—and new glasses!)