Another weekend of Hello, Dolly! performances is over

If you’re on the fence about seeing us because of potential OSHA hygiene violations, be known that Theatre Cedar Rapids is so hardcore method that the Harmonia Gardens waiters have to wash our hands in the dressing room before we report to work on the stage. YOU CAN REST ASSURED THAT WE WILL NEVER GET SHOW-TUNEY ACTOR GERMS ON YOUR PLASTIC FOOD OR HOT-GLUED CHAMPAGNE FLUTES.

When everyone throws file folders all over your office set in an early-days-of-OSHA musical, mark my words:

People will slip and fall and possibly even end up taking helicopter selfies.

For your reference: Green spike marks are for rolling office furniture, pink spike marks are for rolling office walls and I’d better figure out what the hell yellow spike marks are for before someone else gets hurt.

#9to5

I apparently chipped two teeth today at lunch by somehow incorrectly using a fork

The damage seems pretty superficial and not worth a trip to the dentist, but I definitely have some sharp, rough edges on my upper and lower incisors numbers 7 and 26, assuming I’m reading the googles correctly (see chart). Nevertheless, my future clearly holds a litany of chunks accidentally bitten out of my tongue and OSHA-mandated utensil training.