Friday, February 01, 2019
Step 2. Endure the inhumane humiliation and (let’s be frank) abject horror of having tummy tentatively rubbed 5.3 times by the fearsome, repulsive Jake Monster
Step 3. Hiss and swat at the Jake Monster’s fully-conditioned-to-pull-away-in-what-is-no-longer-alarm hand
Step 4. Retreat to the Prison Of Both Your Own Psychopathy And Vintage Ethan Allen Duxbury Dining Room Set
Step 5. Center self perfectly under the end vintage-Ethan-Allen-Duxbury-dining-room-set chair and glare threateningly but unwillingly adorably at the fearsome, repulsive Jake Monster’s iPhone camera to be mocked humiliatingly but uncontainably in a surprisingly well-composed photo on social media.