Monday, September 08, 2008

Waiting for the girls upstairs

I don't ask much of our neighbors. A friendly hello when we see each other. Maybe some extended small talk on the back step. If we hit it off, some reciprocal emergency-key storage. Or a kidney.

In return, I promise to return the friendly hellos. Make the small talk. When it's not creepy. Keep the Joseph Megamix to a minimum. At three in the morning. Even coo over the dogs.

And this low-obligation symbiosis generally works. While we don't have anything approaching kidney-sharing friendships with anyone in our building, we're certainly on lots of ongoing friendly-hello terms. And I'm pretty sure I know the names of all the dogs in our tier.


There is this lesbian couple above us. And I'm not bringing up the fact that they're gay just because I'm trying to collect lesbians or anything. It's just that they're another gay couple! In our building! We have something in common! We should be friends! Right?

Apparently not. Not only do the lesbians pointedly not make eye contact when we run into them, but they actively turn their backs on me when I try to say hello. Or coo over their dog. What's more, they have actually slammed our front door in my face when I've tried to follow them into our building. FOUR TIMES.

Also! I suddenly can't find my chapstick. Or my checkbook. I'm not saying that unfriendly lesbian neighbors steal things alphabetically, but you have to admit it's an awfully big coincidence.

And while we're on the topic of women unfit to function in public, did you hear what Sarah Palin said on Saturday? "The fact (FACT!) is that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers." The stupid cunt.

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