Or, technically, a new personal best. But it's the week of the RNC, so who has time for fact-checking?
Or fiscal responsibility? Instead of shelling out $15 for a print of me crossing the finish line, I just cropped a screen capture of the web site that was trying to sell me the print. SCREW THE WORKING CLASSES!
In any case, here I am stopping my running watch as I cross the finish line. My official race time—which doesn't take into account the time it takes me to cross the start line and only approximates the time I cross the finish line—put me at an 8:30-something pace. But my trusty GPS watch tells me I did it at an 8:26 pace, which is well over half a minute faster than my usual 8K pace. A NEW WORLD RECORD! I HAVE FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE!
One secret to a faster time: Carry your own water. I didn't stop at any of the water stations in this race, gulping sloppily instead from my water bottle. Which easily shaved a minute off my total time. AND TOTALLY SAVED THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE.
If you'll excuse me now, I have some earmarks to pretend I didn't influence.