Well, shit

Bitch Kitty is curled up as adorably as her cold, black heart—which is as cold and black as this winter midnight—will allow with a plush squeaky poop emoji dog toy propped in front of her to undermine the last moth-eaten shreds of her courtliness, elegance and dignity.

#WeirdStuffICollectOnMyPhone

#ElfShelfies

#ElfShelfies

#ElfShelfies

#ElfShelfies

#ElfShelfies

#BlackFridayDemands

I shall name them Aryan and Nightmare. Or Butter and Face. Or Donald and Uglier Donald. Or WhatTheHell and AreYouWearing.

In any case, I WANT THIS.

Excavating my room

The girl on the Lincoln Logs container looks like she's wrapped her hair on a toilet-paper tube and perched it on her head as though that were an acceptable way to spend all eternity building houses that I'm sorry but Lincoln never would have fit in. That's Jake the Drake -- my eponymous investment Beanie Baby -- in the center. I'm holding on to him for a few more years until his value tops $10K and then I'm gonna exit the accord and unload him. Buy low, sell high! I have no recollection of the book on the right but I'm sure it made me gay. Thank goodness I had those manly Lincoln Logs as an antidote.