Wait, what?

This--THIS!--is what inspired me to go into fashion writing. The fearless metaphors! The nimble wordplay! The bold yet never vulgar turns of phrase! It's all here, preserved for the ages. Just like the creased, flared, no-natural-fibers-denim fashion tsunami it generated that splashes through our wardrobes to this day. Well, at least those of us who LIVE FOR FASHION.

Though I'm pretty sure embroidered, possibly ruffled shirts with lightly ballooned sleeves undermine all claims of being either a dude or a stud, but that's just a quibble.

Please note: Shoes are sold separately on page 442

#CurrentlyReading

My new iPhone X is finally up and running!

Except it uses face recognition technology, which freaks me out. So I’m not taking any chances.

[Redacted]

I got this shirt as swag from a stock photo vendor years and years ago when I was working at my Chicago ad agency. It's edgy-weirdy on the front but it says something sexy-inappropriatey on the back and since I never go anyplace edgy-weirdy I never felt comfortable wearing it.

Until! I stumbled on it while I was looking for a gym shirt this morning and realized that since nobody talks to me at the gym I really didn't care if they for some odd reason decided to read my back and get offended. And two cut-off sleeves later, here I am at the gym not-offending about 10 people who are not-looking at me. Everyone wins!

Also: I managed to find some new shoes in a color I didn't already have. Double win!

Sexy level: WOKE

1. How on earth did I manage to cut my forehead taking a shower this morning?
2. Does anyone have a comb I could borrow?
3. Or a weed whacker?
4. I am not a human mustache. STOP. OBJECTIFYING. ME.
5. Should I follow my dreams to become a teen model or be in a boy band?
6. Teen model. I'm probably too cookie-cutter dreamy to be in a boy band and I'd hate to get stuck singing backup with my androgynously non-threatening boy-band clones.
7. If Tom Selleck calls asking who stole his sex appeal, tell him I'm not here.
8. Ditto for Burt Reynolds.
9. By the way, "Cop and a Half" ruined both of our careers. I will never forgive him for that.
10. Seriously: soap + water. What part of that equation caused me to cut my forehead?