Shoe-tying secrets REVEALED!

Of the many forms of running-injury therapy I've received this week—topical anti-inflammatories, icings, ultrasound treatments, push-right-where-it-hurts-most massages, electro-shock somethingorothers—the most intriguing is also the most affordable: tying my shoes in a secret new way that helps relieve pressure on my owie place, which is on the top of my foot right before it creases up to become my shin.

Here's how it works, in poetry and song. Or just in explanatory prose and cell-phone pictures.

I didn't want to take 73 pictures of this process so I condensed the first 70 steps into one photo. You start by unlacing to the spot below the owie place and then lacing straight up the sides to the top of the shoe, leaving loops after you lace the last hole:

In steps 71 and 72, you cross the laces and poke them through the loops and then pull them tight as you tie your shoes like normal:

I step 73, which doesn't photograph in a way that shows you anything useful, you have a shoe that stays on your foot without sagging or rubbing or losing support OR putting pressure on your owie place. It's surprisingly effective, and I'm excited to try it in the marathon.

The owie place, by the way, is healed enough that I feel pain only when I stretch or rub it. So I'm actually pretty confident it won't slow me down on Sunday. Unfortunately, my cold doesn't seem to be responding to NyQuil, Vicks VapoRub, orange juice, vitamins, green tea, warm meals, lots of sleep or Zicam. But it's still just a head full of snot, so it's not like a chest cold or a cough or the flu. So I'm still gonna run with it.

And! Sunday's weather forecast, which had until about noon today included various types of cold, wet precipitation, is currently only about sun and colder-than-ideal temperatures. Which is way better than hotter-than-ideal temperatures for certain 41-year-old gay guys who don't produce a lot of sweat:

All of which means I'm back to entertaining thoughts of running the marathon on Sunday instead of just surviving it. And that's a whole different way to tie your shoes, if you know what I mean.