Merge/Purge

When you move in together and merge all your stuff, your little piles of clutter become overwhelming piles of crap. And if you've spent a lifetime being pack rats, your combined piles of crap can be pretty embarrassing. Especially when you find two and three and even five copies of the same bargain-bin Barbra CD. Oy, the shame!

We have eight extremely large boxes packed with books, CDs, DVDs, VHS tapes, boxed sets and miscellaneous dustables that we're just starting to go through. And because they represent thousands of dollars in cumulative regret, we're trying to recoup some of our—and I use this term with bitter, self-flagellatory irony—investments on craigslist and ebay. Here's a sampling of this week's crop of chagrin:

Four big gay movies at a pocket-gay price: the never-heard-of "Trevor," "Torch Song Trilogy" starring Harvey Fierstein and a grotesquely miscast Matthew Broderick, the stunning "Maurice" starring Hugh Grant when he used to be cute, and the charming "Beautiful Thing" featuring the music of Mama Cass.

Five Titanic movies and documentaries on nine VHS tapes for less than a steerage ticket across the Atlantic. Includes "A Night to Remember," "Titanic: The Truth Behind the Legend," "Titanic" starring Clifton Webb and Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Wagner when he used to be hot, the four-volume A&E "Titanic" documentary, and "Titanic" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, who totally shows her boobs.

There's nothing gayer than a Mandy Patinkin CD. Unless it's four Mandy Patinkin CDs.

Stop the presses. I think we found something gayer.

Do you know where you're going to? Not to our house—at least not if you intend to watch these movies on our VCR. There's a very good reason we're trying to convince you to take them off our hands.

The essential Barbra Streisand: Four CDs including "Barbra: The Concert," "Greatest Hits ... And More" (the "more" obviously being songs that are neither great nor hits), "The Broadway Album" and "Back to Broadway." We'll even throw in the BONUS four-track CD "Ordinary Miracles" absolutely free. Because we probably got it in some free giveaway in the first place anyway.

BONUS SALE ITEM! Gargantuanly heavy aquarium with black lacquer stand includes everything you need to create a nautical paradise in your home or a God's waiting room for lobsters in your restaurant lobby. Just add water!