Dear Internet,

I’m not ignoring you. Honest. In fact, I’ve done so many interesting things these last few weeks that as I’ve been doing them I’ve been thinking Wow. The Internet would love to hear all about THIS. Unfortunately, the doing of these things has taken up so much time that I find I have no time for the telling.

For instance! We had an AIDS Marathon reunion party Friday night at Fearless Leader Matthew’s house. Fearless Leader Matthew is such a pull-out-all-the-stops host, he makes Sue Ann Nivens look like a grade-school lunch lady. Her Baked Pears Alicia have nothing on his perfectly roasted turkey and riced potatoes. And guess what I did at the party! Matthew asked me to carve the turkey—something I’d never done (or even watched) before in my life—and I didn’t ruin it. Better yet, I had a glass of port after dinner! Me! Drinking alcohol! Just like the big kids! (Oh yeah. It was nice to have our marathon training group back together again. We had a great time catching up and seeing each other for the very first time in real clothes. Did I mention I drank alcohol?)

Second example! The developers of my Two-Bathroomed Barbie Dream Condo have been so slow to build the damn building and so unresponsive when I ask them basic questions like how much are the upgrades you have on display in your showroom? and when you said you’d be done building the building by September 1, should I have been more proactive in getting you to specify a year? that I turned them over to my attorney, who is working to get me out of my contract so I can actually buy a condo I can actually live in. So on Saturday my trusty Realtor and I started the whole looking-for-a-condo process again. Only this time I brought along my uncommonly handsome boyfriend as well! And out of seven condos we looked at, I found two I absolutely love! On the first day of looking! And you know what? Since the last time I went condo hunting (in July) the housing bubble has burst, developers are desperate to unload their properties (especially around the holidays), I’m making more money in a fabulous new job, and I can suddenly get a whole lot more condo for my money! So once I pick the condo I like best, do my negotiating and get all moved in, you’re all invited to the housewarming. The condo I’m leaning toward is wired to hang a flat-screen TV, so please buy me one.

Speaking of my fabulous new job! The hours are kicking my ass, but I’m really, really loving it. My client base is interesting and delightfully varied (a wine club! a retail giant! a CD/MP3 juggernaut!), my staff is a bunch of advertising rock stars, and we have a kitchen with real dishes. I still hate our tiny little bathroom with the broken soap dispensers, but as a wise and beautiful-on-the-inside woman once said, a day without pee on your hands is a day without sunshine.

Other things I’ve done! The boyfriend and I saw Into the Woods and Happy Feet in the same day this weekend. Both were delightful, but the Into the Woods production we saw cut some of my favorite material (including “you may know what you need but to get what you want better see that you keep what you have”) and Happy Feet contains the clumsiest metaphor for religious intolerance since Anita Bryant.

Whew! That’s enough catching up for one day! I need to get back to work … and I want to spend some more time daydreaming about the fabulous bathroom tile in the condo I think I’m going to buy. Seriously.

Love,
Jake