Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Key words

Fourty-Three
I crossed back into the prime numbers last week. And since 43 is kind of a wishy-washy number that has neither the young sexiness of 42 nor the august milestoniness of 45, I went home to Iowa to age quietly with my family. We celebrated by doing fun uncle things, hanging out accomplishing nothing, and eating our weight in cake and ice cream and homemade pie and pizza. For a non-remarkable-age birthday, it was remarkably fabulous.

Cancerous Moles
My birthday always means it’s time to go on my annual mole patrol at my friendly neighborhood dermatologist. Because I’m a moley person. And it just seems prudent to make sure my moles aren’t trying to kill me. Because then where would they go to grow and raise families and contribute to society? You can’t thrive on a dead body. Unless you’re a maggot. Or Maggie Gallagher. Anyway! I had a couple suspicious moles removed and biopsied in 2005, but I’ve managed to escape the dreaded mole knife since then. Until now. Because in two weeks I get to have two more moles hacked out of my dermis. But at least this time they’re not in the middle of my back (which makes replacing bandages all but impossible ); they’re almost twin moles on the lower, way-more-reachable parts of each thigh. A quick read of my blog post from 2005 reminds me that I wasn’t allowed to work out for two weeks after the last biopsies as the stitches healed. A quick check of my vanity calls bullshit on that for 2011.

Vacation Days
I have officially used up my entire allotment for the year. Well, technically not yet; since I’m not training for a marathon this summer and therefore not beholden to a draconian weekend running schedule, I’ve booked fabulous getaways from now until Labor Day, all through the weekends when I’d normally be getting up at 4:00 to pound out anywhere from 6 to 22 miles. So watch out, Rehoboth, D.C., Saugutuck, New York, Provincetown and Cedar Rapids! I’m coming to visit you this summer!

Twenty-Five
One of my vacation trips will be to my hometown for my 25th high school reunion. There’s even a Facebook page where people post nostalgia-related comments about favorite bands and local hangouts and fashion faux pas from the mid-1980s. I’m still weirdly fascinated by the fact that this group of people I knew before the Internet existed now all have email addresses and Facebook accounts. Not to mention grown children and third marriages.

Forgetfulness
I had about four more vocabulary-word-related topics I wanted to cover here as I was formulating this blog post in my head, but once I sat down to actually write it, I can’t remember what they were.

Pill Organizer
I’m now on so many old-man medications and supplements I had to break down and buy an old-man pill organizer. Here’s a picture of it open to the pills I took on my birthday last week:
Fun game for pharmacology aficionados: Guess what’s wrong with me based on the pills you see! Decoy alert: One of pills I take every morning is plain old vitamin D.

17 comments:

S said...

Now, that's a lot of drugs.

Mmmm... drugs... *drools*

Jeny said...

You should visit St. Joseph, MI too! Super fun in the summer and only like 30 minutes from Saugatuk...

Jeffrey C said...

Yowsa. That's a mighty pill regimen.

That shalt see The Book of Mormon while in NYC. Absolutely hysterical and such a well-crafted musical.

Cody in CT said...

Looks like a lot of pills, even if one is Vitamin D. Doesn't look like Viagra or Cialis, but without closeups, impossible to say what they are.

Anonymous, too said...

A belated happy birthday! Glad to see you had a good time.

I'm going to guess the pills are mostly for hypochondria and show & tell, but the green ones look like Tic-Tacs. The pill container is really so you would work "WTF" into your blog without upsetting Great-Aunt Hepzibah.

Frequent Flier said...

Do you have any plans for Royal Wedding parties or viewing?

RussCinDC said...

While in NYC, you MUST see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, it is absolutely the most fun ever staged... also, let me know when you are in DC, I'll take you guys for a cup of coffee. :)

Jake said...

Russ -- I've already seen (and loved!) Priscilla. And we're going to DC for a whirlwind Sondheim weekend, capping it off with Bernadette Peters in Follies!

brian said...

Aside from the green pill your regime looks decidely white.
Mine look more like confetti!
Enjoy your summer plans and good luck with your mole removal.

DougChgo said...

My psychopharmacologist (not really: just my chiropractor) has me take Vit D drops. Seems to me the drops get into the bloodstream faster (though drops are fat-soluble, so I have to remember to take them with food). In other news: a friend saw Bernadette's Follies last weekend -- loved it!

James L. Greenlee said...

I'm at 45, which could be scary, except that The Other Half is about to hit 50. So, he breaks in each milestone for me. By the time I get there, it's no big whoop. But I'm already up to 4 pills per day, a multi-vitamin, a fish oil pill, a glucosamine/MSM thingy for arthritis, and a antibiotic for gum disease. Sexy!

I just wish I had your genes and metabolism. If I'm not on Atkins and exercising 5 days a week, I look like Dave Foley. :(

Boomer said...

Saw Bernadette in Into the Woods a few million years ago...she gives good Sondheim.

RSN023 said...

ROFL, I bought my pill reminder for my 40th!

Anna said...

I miss your blog, and still check regularly. FYI.

Anonymous said...

Are there any new posts in the works? How about an Anthony Weiner post? I don't think he should resign.

Patrick from Seattle said...

Where did you go Jake?

minn_man39 said...

I'm with Anna. Come back to us...