The extremely angry blogger

Newt Gingrich is a cunt.

The latest corroboration of his inextinguishable assholism involves the fact that this divorce-junkie champion of family values was cheating on his wife while he was wasting millions of taxpayer dollars trying to nail (ahem) Clinton to the wall over the Lewinsky scandal.

And what makes him a total and complete goat-fucker is his who-gives-a-goddamn-shit-about-the-wife rationale for his hypocrisy: “Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed (no mention of the pain or embarrassment he caused the woman he pledged fidelity to), and even though at a purely personal level I am not (not!) rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law (with the explicit exception of moral law, though he does barely acknowledge responsibility for his actions by framing his cheating as “fall[ing] short of God’s standards”), I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury (with the exception of any promises legally or morally made or implied with the pledge of “I do”) in your highest officials.”

Note to Newt and the legions of other cheating, divorcing family-values hypocrites working irrationally to “protect” marriage from the non-existent “threat” of homosexuality: Your actions are not victimless. Every appendage or hole you ride that is not biologically attached to your spouse and every “til death do us part” you pledge that you circumvent through divorce court or the mind-bogglingly imbecilic concept of annulment is a violent punch in the gut to every gay couple who wants their committed relationship recognized, respected and legally equal to the relationships you so casually discard.

If you don’t have the intelligence, impulse control and basic respect required to honor the fidelity you pledge in a contract that is both morally and legally binding, don’t get married. If you choose to hold America to a standard you’re not emotionally capable of meeting, don’t get married. If you’re an asshole (and Newt, you’re an asshole), don’t get married.

And don’t—under any circumstances—try to prevent the marriages of those of us who are capable of making its basic promises and actually keeping them. We are better people than you, and you have no moral standing to keep stealing from us.

(Instead of your criminally hateful campaign to vilify gay people and demean our relationships, maybe you and your right-wing ilk should do something to make sure other countries don’t feel the need to purify land that you violate just by walking on it. You’re seen internationally as a virus. And you’re the only ones who refuse to acknowledge it.)